Standing on my own two...

Are we fundamentally alone in this life?

On a recent seminar that I attended one of the speakers touched the fundamental truth of loneliness. As he put it, “we can play with others but at the end the day, we are alone”. Some of the participants, women with families at home, resisted the truth of this notion and argued that they were certainly not alone. For me it hit spot on – coming out of divorce and nuclear family life, this is what I encounter again and again. Solitude. I through myself out there in the game, play and have fun with many people, only to find myself alone again. Like the silence after the words. The coming down to earth after the high. The curving back and forth of the ocean waves. The silence is me, the source from which I act and relate.

Letting go of the blanket of security, which for 9 years has been my family, I felt first ecstatic because of freedom, then nude because of solitude. The wheel of Samsara (human existence) is playing a trick on me, letting me surf between the banks of pleasure and pain. Making me believe in duality. That there is a me and a you. A good and a bad side to life. Though deep inside me I know that is a conceptual lie. In my stubbornness I have become determined to learn to stand on my own two feet and from the power of this place disclose the illusion of duality. I am exploring all sides to life in faith that all is equally valuable. In the belief that all is ONE. Playing at the same time the role of the sinner and the saint, the prostituteand the virgin, the drunk and the sober.

The other day I was touched deeply, when one of my students after a yoga-session, told me with tears in her eyes, that during yoga she felt that she could really be and accept herself for the first time. That because of our emphasis on going deep within and just sensing everything there is to sense unbiased, she came into contact with the knowingness that she was and is perfect. As I see it when we accept that everything is imperfect – all becomes perfect. When we embrace all the profane – it becomes sacred. In my yogaclasses we build ourselves from the ground, learning to stand in the middle of chaos, with the inner knowingness that all is perfect. Like a tree deeply rooted in the ground – it might move in a storm, but it is still rooted. And with the realization of loneliness being one of the attributes of human existence, from the grounded position we can meet the world and from there transcend to higher states of ONENESS. 

There is something to be said for solitude, although I have a mouse living in my house. Staying in the wall just behind me when I meditate and write. Having served food on the kitchen table at night. Reminding me that in the big scheme of existence I am not alone after all.



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Standing on my own two...